Phogna Bologna

In an effort to boost business at my job in Chelsea, I decided to join
yelp and give the restaurant a 5-star review.

To ward off skeptics, I have since become a regular yelper, reviewing
everything from my local pet store to the laundromat.

Incidentally, in the week or two since my first review about my
workplace, business has seemed to steadily pick up.

Quite unusual, you say? Especially since it is the month of January? I
thought so too, and I can't help but feel like I singlehandedly
brought on the boom.

My friend Kevin says it's deceitful since I so happen to work there.
Not so, I think. In fact, I am doing the public a good service by
informing them of our fabulous establishment. After all, the review
was entirely truthful. Even the part about it being a "best-kept
secret."

Someone else happened to notice the surge in business and brought it
to my attention. A not-too-familiar customer asked me the other day,
"Were you guys written up recently?"
"Pardon?" I asked.
"Has someone gone and said that this is like a best-kept secret? We
love this place and we can't remember ever seeing it this crowded!"
"Oh," I said, and looked around, admiring my good work, "I suppose
you're right."

I felt warm and fuzzy inside knowing that it was all because of me.
Why hadn't I done this sooner? And then I realized it. Oh shit, she
knew! She must have recognized me from my profile picture!

As they say on Guam: Magacha! Or: Busted!